One of the most challenging things to grapple with on a mission is rejection.
It can be painful to feel that people are not only rejecting your important message of the gospel of Jesus Christ, but also rejecting you as a person. Not only is rejection extremely challenging, but it is also extremely common and will likely happen every single day.
So, how do you face rejection and continue on with resilience and faith? We will address some ways to help you cope with rejection and not let it keep you down.
Understanding Agency
The first and most important concept to keep in mind when it comes to rejection is agency. God has blessed each of His children with agency so that we can make choices for ourselves. What a beautiful gift this is!
However, it can be a pretty hard pill to swallow when our friends and people we meet on our mission use their agency to reject the message of the gospel. Knowing how much happiness the gospel has brought you, it can hurt when your friends turn that happiness down for themselves, and it can even lead you to feel like you have done something wrong in your presentation of the gospel.
Keep in mind that your purpose as a missionary is to invite others to come unto Christ. What they do with that invitation is out of your hands. Your success as a missionary is not measured by how many people accept your invitation, but rather by how many people you love, serve, and invite unto Christ. Ultimately, we cannot change people’s agency and fortunately, God does not expect you to.
Understanding Differentiation and Enmeshment
The next concept to keep in mind when it comes to rejection, is differentiation and enmeshment.
Enmeshment is when we get too involved in the feelings and choices of others, that it becomes difficult to see ourselves as a unique person independent of them. Differentiation is when we are secure in ourselves and in our relationships with others.
So what does this have to do with rejection? Well, when a friend that we are teaching rejects our message or chooses not to continue meeting with us, it can be tempting to think that it is all our fault, our friend is rejecting us not our message, and that we must be a bad missionary.
On the other hand, when we are able to differentiate ourselves from our relationships with others, we can recognize that people make choices independent of their feelings toward us and that they are allowed to use their agency to make decisions, and it has nothing to do with our worth or success as a missionary.
Practical Ways to Cope with Rejection
1. Change Your Measure of Success
Rather than measuring your success as a missionary by how many people you baptize, how many return appointments you get, or anything else that revolves around the agency of others, start measuring your success by what lies within your own agency. For example:
- How many people did you make an effort to love and serve today?
- How willingly did you give your heart and mind to the Lord’s work today?
- How many people did you seek to invite to come unto Christ, regardless of their response?
None of us are perfect missionaries and we will inevitably fall short on some days, but president Nelson has taught us that the Lord loves effort. When we are giving our best effort to the Lord’s work, we can be confident that we are successful missionaries.
2. Acknowledge Your Emotions
It is completely normal when being rejected to feel hurt, disappointed, or angry. You don’t need to pretend like rejection is a fun experience. Rather than trying to shove these feelings into a box and ignore them, or worse, act out in a way that you may come to regret, simply acknowledge these feelings and allow them to be.
This principle is called “name it to tame it.” When we ignore our feelings, instead of going away, they often get bigger and bigger until they are no longer manageable and we can’t ignore them. Instead, when we “name” our feelings by acknowledging that we are experiencing them, we can allow ourselves the space to work through them.
Next time you feel really mad or embarrassed try it out! Instead of running from your feelings, acknowledge to yourself, “I am feeling really embarrassed right now” and see how it feels.
3. Cultivate Resilience
Resilience is our ability to bounce back after a setback or hardship. There are several ways to cultivate resilience, including:
- Prioritizing self-care
- Focusing on your strengths
- Remembering your self-worth
- Developing a growth mindset
Someone with a growth mindset:
- Views challenges as opportunities
- Embraces constructive feedback
- Focuses on the process not the end result
- Learns and grows from failure
- Is willing to step out of their comfort zone
A growth mindset is crucial to resilience because rather than accepting defeat and throwing in the towel, you can learn from hard experiences and come back stronger.
Conclusion
There are many different ways to process and work through rejection and hopefully you can find the way that works best for you.
So, next time you are out street contacting or inviting a friend to be baptized, remember that rejection is not a statement of your personal success or worth, it is simply a result of someone using the gift of agency. The Lord loves you, He is proud of you, and He is grateful for every time you step out of your comfort zone and invite someone to come unto Him.
